Holy hell! After 14 years? This game has been one of the longest development timed game I’ve seen. Teaser after teaser, fans could not get enough Duke. Duke Nukem was the sh*t. It’s time frame, I witnessed; two different U.S. presidents, new video game systems, Drew Carey losing weight, should I continue? What is surprising was seeing this game kept coming back for more hype. After a while, people started to feel like, “Meh, don’t care about your trailer.” In fact, Thinkgeek.com used Duke Nukem Forever as their April Fools geek product. So, knowing how long the game has been in development, let’s see what we have in store for us.
Duke Nukem Forever is about an almost retired Duke. After saving earth years before, Duke Nukem has gain so much fame, he is now like Brawndo from Idiocracy. Everywhere you look, you find something Nukem has accomplished. Anything from winning boxing matches, to be a TV phenomenon, Duke has done it all. With women wanting to grab a hold of Duke, what more excitement does he need?
Well it turns out, the aliens haven’t gone away. The President believes these aliens are friendly. Seriously, do you actually believe a pig cop has such an honest face? Of course not. “Those alien bastards” has their mothership hovering over Duke’s town? I don’t know what to call it. The aliens came back and they’re ready to take over. Once again, Duke Nukem is our only hope. Can he conquer the aliens, yet alone his most likely case of arthritis?
Speaking of arthritis, this game reminds me of Sylvester Stallone getting ready for a remake of Rocky. With Duke being old and still uses his steroids; he’s going to need some weapons. Throughout the game you only get to see a handful of weapons. Not that much of a selection. In fact, you get as much as you did while playing Duke Nukem 3D. So the weaponry is a little lame. Big whoop, I still have faith in game the despite the other reviews mentioning how horrible the game is.
Let’s talk about the visual experience you get inside this game. I’m going to sum it with a quick little poem, “Wherever you are, no matter what you see. The imagery is terrifying. So much, you have to pee.” That’s right; I pissed myself seeing how horrible the graphics in this game looked. Using the Unreal Engine, I thought it might look good. No, this game looks horrendous. It’s pixilated as **** and if you think you’re looking to see hot women in this game, good luck trying. I tried getting turned on by the women in this game, but nothing. Not even the women showing their breast would change my mind of how horrible the game looks.
It’s not just the looks of the game I’m concerned about how the feel of the game is. From what I experience, the controls are pretty decent. If you’re the kind of person who likes to go in spraying bullets, then you’re going to like the feel. If you’re someone like me who likes to take cover and shoot in burst, then you’re in for a treat. The bosses can be easily killed if you’re constantly circling them around. Somehow, they act like giant airheads. The aiming with the weapons are pretty good. It’s when you mess around with the environment that makes me want to shoot myself. Playing pinball is always fun. Same with; Air hockey, basketball, Whack-A-Something etc. When you play around with these environments in the game, you’re going to want to shoot yourself. Can’t tell you how many times it took just so I could hit the damn air hockey puck. Picking stuff up is annoying whenever the item is close to another item. It’s so hard just to pick something up.
Not only is picking stuff up so difficult, but some of the dialogue in the game is a hit and miss. The jokes in the game are funny, but you have to know where they’re from. Most players wouldn’t understand jokes like The Princess Bride joke. Shrunken Duke kills the giant rats and says, “Talk about rodents of unusual size.” Yet, the majority would understand the Master Chief joke. You clearly see Master Chief’s armor in the van and Duke says, “Power Armor is for pussies.” Again, the comical parts of the dialogue are usually a hit and miss.
The multi-playing in the game is pretty much what you received with Duke Nukem 3D. You get the new “My dig” feature which is a place where you can store your numerous amounts of stuff. In order for you to get stuff for your dig, you will have to play online matches. The online match types are your same FPS game types that have been with us as long as this game was in development. You have “Dukematch” and “Team Dukematch” Can you guess what these are? They’re a type of Free For All and Team Deathmatch. You also get “Capture the Babe” and “Hail to the King.” I’m sure you played FPS games and can guess what the last two game types are. Other than the online feature, it is basically Duke Nukem 3D.
This game wasn’t worth 14 years. In fact, I was six years old when this game was first mentioned. After years and years, the nostalgia got the best of me. I went and purchased the game. Already had a feeling this game wouldn’t turn out so great, but bought the game anyways. I’m sure most of you already know this game isn’t the best. Perhaps another 14 years we can make the right decision, since they hinted in the game about another title. Until then, “Fail to the king.”
+ It’s Duke Nukem
+/-Controls
+/- The dialogue jokes
+/- Story
-Multiplayer is the same
-Development timeframe
-Visuals
*grading scale is based on GameRevolution.com's classic grading scale.
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